You'll be in my heart

Hello everyone:

I know its been such a long time since I posted anything here, but he last days of summer were so terrible to me that I couldnt bare to do anything at all, including keeping this blog updated.

August 28th I lost my baby girl. She was the light of my eyes, one of the things I loved the most in this world, and her loss almost broke me. It was all so sudden, so quick, so unbelievably hard, that it took me over a month to be able to tell you about it.

Suri was my Yorkie puppy, a 3 year old cutie that filled my days with joy. Its not because she was mine, but I can tell you that no matter where we went, everyone would turn their heads to compliment my baby girl. But more than that, she knew the way to my heart like no one else, and sometimes she just felt more like a person that like a dog to me. She had such a strong personality, but at the same time she was so loyal and playfull...

Then, this horrible thursday after lunch, we were all home tending to our chores, and suddenly I heard my father screaming out for me. I came downstairs to find my mother trying to CPR my puppy, and then my parents were in the car racing to the veterinary. All in less than a minute.
Suri fell from the stairs she would climb every day, many times a day, and hit her head in the handrail. It was not the fall that killed her, but the traumatic injury on her head.
She kept on going for a few hours, but the vet was honest and told us that she would'nt make it. Even such a small fall was deathly to a 4lbs dog... The damage was too extensive for her to ever be healthy again - and let me tell you, I'm glad she didnt survive only to live with multiple organ and limb damages. It would be too selfish for me to ask that of her.

I've been through many hard moments throughout my life, including cancer and loss of loved ones, but this was by far the hardest thing I've suffered. I held on to my baby as she laid on the vet's table and I sang her Phill Collins's "You'll be in my heart". That song describes exactly what I feel about her, and I didnt knew any other way I could say goodbye.

I wish I could tell you that things were alright after that, but I can't. I cried all the time, every place brought me memories of Suri and her smell still lingered on every corner of our house. Sometimes, as I sit in my desk at my laptop, I look to my right and I swear I can still see her (she would always follow me around and curled up in a pillow next to me; if there was not a pillow around, she would bark to get my attention and I had to get her one). My boyfriend says that its normal that I feel her, because she truely is next to me. She wouldnt leave her momma, her best friend, alone in here. And I swear, I want to believe him so much!

Things are getting better, slowly. Life goes on, and the world doesnt even seems to notice that a big chunk of my heart is gone. I try me best to keep on going, but every pet owner who has lost a dog will know how hard it is...

1 comentário:

Anónimo disse...

Hello Cátia!
i've suddenly find your post (a was looking cosmetics sites but it doesn't matter..) i've read and feel all your pain and sadness, because i had the same big loss 1.5 years ago.. and i feel pain even now when i write it. It first time i tell this story, before it was too hurt.. I lost my cat Filya... He was so clever and kind.. i dont know.. he was a personality! He was a cat of my husband and lived with us only last 2 years but we have loved him so much, all our family treated him as a child, he was a part of our family, very important one. He was 11-12 years old, not young, but he felt good and was active, never had ill. Last year we moved to another country and he stayed with my parents, but after week we left he gone.. suddenly his heart stopped when he run.. My parents could not tell me few days this terrible news, but when i found out about it.. what can i say.. my world after will never be the same as before.. first i could not accept it, after I was crying all the time first week, then every night, then 3 months time after time.. it was so hard.. i saw him in my dreams almost every night, that i have found him, and he with us again! In one dream i really have felt his touch by wet nose at my palm!! it was amasing, seems he said goodbye, after that he did not come to me any more..

I think it is always so hurt with pets because they love you with their pure love without conventionalities, what you can never get from people.

This story had continuation.. After 3 months of sadness I have suddenly seen in internet a page of a shelter for homeless animals. And there was a small kitten red as our Filya was.. very-very look like him and i asked my mother to adopt him. The kitten was 3 month old at that moment, so i believe that he has Filya`s soul.. So in this way i have found my Filya as in my dreams.. Of course he is not the same and did not replaced Filya, will never be the same cat any more.. but with him our pain became less.. he is another but we love him the same and even more because we give him all our love that remained to Filya..

What i have learned, is to appreciate every moment of life, every little happiness that give us our beloved pets and people..

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